Blog 13 – Square peg in a round hole

I have ended up in a bit of a quagmire. I’ve tried turbo dating as many blokes as possible I've met on the the internet in the name of casting the net wider. Some of them just facilitated funny stories, a couple were great but not right for me, one got too close and had to be warded off and one provided occasional polite company but didn’t expect much more….Or so I thought until he sent me a combination of lavish/thoughtful valentine gifts that wreaked of effort! Behind the scenes there’s been an old friend who I agreed to have a casual fling with (hence referred to as ‘CF') and I predictably got more emotionally entangled than planned. There’s also been a tall handsome stranger who had a fleeting presence but left a lasting impression.

As it stands today the decks are clear apart from David (the gift sender) who has now actually made an official play for me it seems. I had thought CF’s jealousy meant he cared more than he was letting on so I removed my frosty façade for a second and told him I wouldn’t see anyone else for a while to give ‘us’ a chance….well lets just say I drew a blank on that one! I have lost momentum with the dating site as I just got tired of juggling! I just thought David would probably fade into oblivion but it appears not. Lovely, good looking and intelligent guy but a bit nervy around women and not nearly animal enough for me – hence our ‘friendship’ never gaining momentum. The valentines card accompanying the gifts simply said ‘Have dinner with me next week’.

Now there are two obvious schools of thought; 1. Thank him graciously for the flowers and pressie’s but gently ditch him now as you know the chemistry isn’t there and he’s obviously got in a bit too deep. 2. It’s only dinner, he’d be terribly disappointed if I didn’t go after all his effort. I know option 1 is the right thing to do. So I phone him….and go for option 2. When I tell 'Roomy' she just rolls her eyes. David has booked a well renowned fish restaurant near his place, I’m sure it will be a lovely evening and then he’s off on holiday anyway so a bit of space will start the tail off that needs to happen.

He lives a fair drive from me though, he brings this up on the phone and says he could change the restaurant to somewhere nearer or if I wish to stay over he’ll make up the spare room. Now I’m no idiot and this guy is such a gent it’s untrue so when he says ‘spare room’ he means it. I’ll take up the offer, I really want to try this restaurant and it’s his gig after all. I tell him I’ll get there early and bring the bottle of champagne he sent me and we can catch up. As always, it’s nice to see him and he makes me laugh so I relax when we crack the bottle open and start chinwagging.

The restaurant is fab, he recommends a couple of dishes he thinks I’ll like and picks a lovely wine based upon my choice and we chatter away about allsorts. I must admit I’m feeling pretty tipsy when my second glass of wine is poured as we'd already shared that bottle of bubbly earlier but I’m having fun and everything is pretty light hearted so it doesn’t matter. Until I’m looking down boning my fish and I hear words I can’t quite believe;

Him “You’d make a wonderful mother”
Me “What? I mean, pardon?”
Him “I was just saying, I think you’d make a wonderful mother”

I think I dropped my fish bone on the floor. This guy is blatantly looking for a wife, immediately. Luckily I think the wine smoothed over the glitch in conversation and the evening continues. We get a cab back to his place and both fairly giggly decide to play Twister. I’m the sort of person who throws caution to the wind in the name of curiosity fairly often, so I decide to seduce him and see what he’s really made of. There were so many stumbling blocks along the way I should have just given up! He was quite resistant and blatantly nervous but after I’d managed to engineer a snog on the Twister mat and made it fairly obvious what my game was he asks if I want to go to the bedroom. When we get down the hall I attempt to throw myself on the bed like a temptress but he walks out of the room.

Me “Where are you going?”
Him “To brush my teeth”
Me “WHAT??”
Him “To brush my teeth, you do want me to brush my teeth before bed don’t you?”

OMG! Am I supposed to be making his hot milk and getting his pyjama’s out of their teddy case? Why I didn’t call it quits there I’ve got no idea, I could have easily rolled over and feigned sleep. Needless to say, I didn’t. The experience was tiresome at best. Ouch, sorry mate. In the morning, I awoke to the sound of him whistling in the kitchen. Yep, whistling. He was making breakfast and trotting around the kitchen merrily. I ate politely and skiddadled a.s.a.p.

Such a shame, he’s the loveliest guy. He’d always be there for you with his big brown eyes; loyal, faithful and compliant. A bit like a chocolate Labrador really. Marriage material maybe, but not for me!