Blog 2 - Finally Bagging The First Date...

It turns out that every time a new bit of livestock comes to market on this dating site potential prospects are alerted by e-mail which may explain the influx of interest. The guys who chose the option to just press a button and ‘wink’ at me are immediately categorised as being either shy or lazy, and woe betide the ones who bothered to e-mail and spelled something wrong. I received at least half a dozen messages from guys asking why I’d dressed up as a potato which just left me incredulous. I mean what a stupid thing to ask, isn’t it obvious that I was dressing the potato up? This isn’t going be as easy as I thought and it’s clear that as usual, I’m going to have to do the hunting to get what I want.

I discover there are search functions much like Autotrader - you can look for what you want by size, age, colour and distance from home. Well I can’t believe my luck when I tap in my requirements, there’s loads of totty! I knew it, they’ve been sat there ripe for the picking all the time. Within minutes I’ve shortlisted half a dozen guys who have well written profiles, really nice photo’s and good vital statistics listed. Obviously I’m mortally offended they haven’t already contacted me but then again I’ve always been pretty quick off the mark. I lead by example and send a short but friendly e-mail to my key targets....and then I wait.

My first e-mail comes from a guy called David who looks right on the money! He’s 6ft tall with gorgeous dark brown eyes, is in good shape (not that I zoomed in on his topless holiday snaps) and has a beautiful smile. He has a passion for food, a good job and a degree under his belt. He’s a couple of years older than me and says he’s looking for a partner in crime. He’s the one, he’s got to be! On paper he’s everything I’m looking for. We exchange a couple of emails and it just gets better, he comes across as a sharp cookie, likes mountain biking and camping, has me in stitches with his wit and is a huge Spooks fan. So in true MI5 not 9to5 style we arrange a telephone rendezvous for the following evening. I won’t keep you in suspense, we spent an hour chinwagging and could have carried on if I didn’t have to be somewhere. He didn’t immediately arrange to meet and I’m still not au fait with the etiquette but I must admit I would like to have been asked.

Another chat a week later however and I’ve sealed the deal, I hate to admit it but as expected it was me who initiated the meeting and suggested where and when. He was all a bit ‘well I don’t mind, whatever you’d like’ which I took as politeness but was tempted to dismiss as lameness! Being such a dominant female I like a bloke to call the shots with dates as it gives them enough rope to hang themselves with; they’ll either get it right and impress me or I’ll laugh them off the shortlist. I am a little thrown though, it just doesn’t seem as easy to cast ones usual aspersions in the alien environment of Internet dating. However, I am human and I am excited about a date with a man who is profiled to be perfect future husband material.

Underneath all my bravado I am often ridiculously sensible so I arrange to meet in a bar I am very familiar with but isn’t my local (so I feel safe but won’t be stalked if he’s a nutter). I also arrange the standard ‘get out clause’ with my mate of her phoning with news of the mortality of my (thousand times dead already) granny if I text to say he’s a freak. I haven’t told him my address and I’ve said I’m free for an hour or so before meeting a mate so he won’t be able to bore the tits off me if he’s a dweeb but will be left wanting more if he’s a hunk. Not that I’ve thought about this too much at all.

I stroll down there in there in my favourite skinny jeans that have been tumble dried on the hottest setting for extra ass lift, a nice but not revealing jumper and a pair of knee highs that sit somewhere between ‘prim horse rider’ and ‘right goer’. It’s a winning combination if ever I wore one. I’m at the bar first (damn it) but only just, he texts to say he’s just parking and wasn’t familiar with the area but will be there in 30 seconds……and he is, I think. Is that him? He’s looking at me and grinning, he does fit the description and resembles the photo’s and hasn’t lied about his height but as we greet and I assess the full scale model I’m a little flummoxed. He just has this uncanny likeness to Mr Muscle!